Everyone has thoughts. Everyone has feelings and emotions, mountains of things that go on in the world around them, universes of things that happen in their heads. Some people are excellent at expressing their thoughts and feelings — I guess it’s just one of those things; some people are naturally good at talking, and sharing, and not bottling things up. Some people, however, are not, and that’s OK.
I’ve tried for ages to find a way to let out my feelings: the things that I don’t necessarily want to share with the world, to push upon others, have for too long resided in my head, which is by all accounts too small a home for them, and a permanent one at that. Admittedly, this year I have become more comfortable with talking, made all the more accessible to me by my amazingly supportive and accepting friends. However, I’m far from perfect — aren’t we all — and sometimes, I still feel a need to find some outlet for my thoughts, some way of getting shit out of my head in a way that is productive for me.
As most of you know, writing is a great way for me to do this, as it allows me to see my thoughts and emotions in an organised and logical fashion, and hence allows me to attempt to make sense of my own head.
Sometimes, though, I still find ‘writing’ too vague a term to actually be helpful. When I feel like I need to organise the chaos in my head into something that is, at the very least, logical, sitting down at a laptop with the intention of ‘writing’, words just don’t flow all of the time. Hands poised over a keyboard, I don’t always know where to start, or where to go, or what to say. I need a structure — a plan, by which I can extract the stuff in my head, and transfer it into the written word.
I’m going to try letters. It’s quite a common therapy technique, apparently — Dear Evan Hanson was fundamentally based on the idea of writing oneself letters. I don’t want to write myself letters; I would find that too cliche, and I don’t feel connected to myself enough to know how to write to me, if that makes sense. So, we’ll call him Joe.
There was a blog some time ago now, called Letters2Emma, which has partially inspired me to try this approach; I loved Tara’s writing, and found the approach both interesting and meaningful.
I’m going through a lot at the moment. I’ve written here recently about my mental health, which is a little all-over-the-place at the minute; in just under a week, I’m moving across the country to college, living away from home for the first time; this summer, I’ve started going to parties and being sociable and actually doing vaguely-normal teenage things. My life is so different now to how it was even just three months ago, and I think writing letters, describing how I feel and what’s happening and what I’m thinking at regular intervals might, hopefully, help me to understand how I’m feeling, and how those feelings develop over time. And, if not, it’s at least a way to get things out of my head, and explain to you guys what is going on in my life, and in my head.
Have you ever tried writing letters to help yourself before? I’d love to hear how it went.