Ways Not to Make Your First Impressions

It’s often said that you must make a ‘good first impression’ upon people. On the whole, I find this statement to be fairly truthful: make a good first impression, and you might just have the possibility of potentially making an acquaintance who may or may not one day become a sort of friend or something. That’s how it works, right?
So, today, I’m going to bring you my top tips on how NOT to make first impressions, working from my own personal experiences. I’d love to tell you that this post is in fact based on my overactive, creative imagination, but I’d be lying if I did so.
Never mind…

#1. Don’t pray to them.
As most funny (awkward) stories so often do, this story starts on a drunken evening in late December. I was the one who was a little tiny bit tipsy maybe … fine I was drunk. I was at a party, and was meeting a lot of people who I didn’t know – how adventurous of me! Perched fairly securely on the sofa, I was chatting to one of my close friends, who was both sober, and seated to my right.
We were laughing at something or other, and the music was loud and my head hurt, and next hing I knew, I was falling off the sofa, landing on my arse at a boy’s feet. It genuinely looked as if he was some kind of god, and I, a devoted subject. We’d never met.
“Um, hi,” I smiled.
Tip: don’t fall at a potential friend’s feet as a form of greeting; it’s weird, creepy, but did result in a friendship…

#2. Stop hugging them.
At this same party – it was crazy, let me tell you –, I met yet another new human being: how thrilling! I knew of this person, through a mutural friend, and we got on pretty well, I think…
As most parties which involve a sleepover-style situation do, guests at the house-in-question ended up in a bit of a bundle on the floor, a knot of sleeping bags and limbs. For whatever reason, I ended up next to this boy, who I decided to hug. It was OK – seemed pretty normal, in the moment.
Until I didn’t stop. In my drunken state, I didn’t see the abnormality in almost-agressively hugging someone who I only met 4-5 hours ago, especially considering we were all in pyjamas and sleeping bags.
Tip: Don’t aggressively hug virtual strangers; it’s weird, clingy, and slightly needy behaviour.

#3. Don’t hunt them down by phone.
This one sounds weirder than it is … OK, maybe not, it was pretty odd. When I selected my GCSE options, I was put into classes with a lot of students who I’d never shared classes with before – as would be expected. I didn’t know many people in this one class, and decided that my objective for that term would be to make a friend.
I’m quite a socially awkward individual in real life, and so I decided that I’d play to my strengths: using technology to make a friend. No, no, this is not the part where I bring a homemade model of Siri to class, and chat to a cardboard figure for 2 hours a week…
I picked my friendship candidate: a chatty, lively student who, like me, seemed to take the subject a little less seriously than was perhaps advised. Knowing just his first name and initial of his last name, I used my in-school contacts (a dwindling number, admittedly) to track him down.
Bizarrely, it worked; you could call this unfortunate, I suppose, as it merely proved what a weirdo I was (fine am). I texted him, and received … nothing.
Shit.
Seeing him after the weekend on the train to school was genuinely my worst nightmare, so of course it happened!
“I asked my parents what to do, in case it was someone pretending to be you,” he said, and I burst out laughing. He soon came to discover that nobody was ever going to want to pretend to be me: it’s not like there’s anything about me that people would want to claim as their own.
Tip: Don’t pretend to be a policeman, and track down a candidate for friendship by digitial means; it’s creepy, strangely exhilarating, and actually turned out pretty well TBH…

Back to embarrassing myself on the Internet again – why do I do this? Have you made any slightly unconventional first impressions before? What happened afterwards? I’d love to hear about them!
I’m off to hide myself in the corner of a cold, dark, abandoned room for the rest of human history now… If anyone needs me, you’ll find me in exile from PopularityLand.

L XX

8 thoughts on “Ways Not to Make Your First Impressions

  1. This post is great 😂 I love all your awkward first impressions. I don’t have many memorable ones, tbh, as I don’t have a lot of friends and don’t go to a lot of parties. I mean, two times people invited me over at school/college because I was alone and they felt sorry for me. I did develop friendships, but they ended when I stopped going to that school/dropped out of that course at college. I think it just showed what a lonely person I was hahaha. This isn’t a first impression but one time some of my mum’s friend’s daughters were stood at the foot of my bed when I woke up. I was like ‘go downstairs, i’ll be down in a minute’, but it was so embarrassing. Apparently, my mum had not woken me up that morning, and I had slept in. She then sent them up to me whilst I was still asleep so… was pretty awkward 😅

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