OK, prepare for disaster guys and gals, because today, L (like, me, L) is giving you Christmas gift ideas … shite.
OK, work with me here, yeaaah?
Gift Idea 1 — Home Video
There is nothing better for your relatives than upwrapping a box set of, say, Harry Potter. Imagine their internalised glee as they look forward to hours of enjoyment, watching Harry and his pals battling against the dark arts, Voldemort and the Death Ea… oh. It’s a home video.
NOBODY WANTS TO WATCH YOUR PATHETIC LITTLE CHILDREN ‘GROWING UP’ OVER THE YEARS. Especially in place of a Christmas present. Especially ESPECIALLY when it’s disguised as something actually quite good.
That’s just cruel.
Gift Idea 2 — A Coat
Wow, what a kind and thoughtful gesture — you care about my wellfare, and don’t want me to get cold in these bitter December mornings. Thing is, matey, that if you’re giving me a coat for Christmas, you clearly think that I don’t already own one, in which case, by the time 25th December rolls around, I’ve probably died of hyperthermia. Doesn’t that just show how much you care…I’m dead, and you’re giving me a bloody coat. To wear in my grave, is it? Thanks … but no thanks.
Gift Idea 3 — Headphones
Now, here we go — actually a good present! Headphones are, I think you’ll agree, a classic gift from a relative (probably elderly), who doesn’t really understand technology, but wants to come across as cool, together and with it. Headphones, therefore, are the perfect gift, because these relatives are, most likely, the relatives you least want to listen to. So, you’ve killed two birds with one stone (not literally — I’m not suggesting you kill your relatives): your relatives feel honoured that you’re using their thoughtfully picked out gift, and you don’t have to listen to them — RESULT!
Gift Idea 4 — Love and Kindness
Yeah … Nope.
11th December is done and sorted — fine and dandy, if you will. Don’t forget to submit Christmas questions for Em’s and my Q&A, coming up later in the month — time is running out! Submit your questions in the comments of any of Em’s or my Blogmas posts, or tweet them, hashtag #LAndEmBlogmas