Usually, I fill my weekends with activities. I travel on the Saturday, either for sports or to see friends, and then I sleep, do homework and watch crappy TV on Sundays. But this weekend is different.
Today, I am going to finish off all of my homework, to give myself a break tomorrow. I’m feeling awake today, so why not get stuff done? but then tomorrow… What to do?
I’m so used to cramming in as much as I possibly can into my weekends, to keep myself busy, and positive, that when there is nothing to do, I don’t know what I meant to do any more. When I first lost my sight, I didn’t do muc hat the weekends; I didn’t realise just how much was on offer to me as a blind young person, although I think that these opportunities have increased as I’ve got older. Back then, I was amazing at filling spare time, and it wasn’t just by sleeping for hours – no. I used to do little projects, play imaginary games, make up cringey dance routines to popular songs.
Everything was so much easier then, as a six-year-old, innocent, careless child. Now, I’m lost in this complicated mix of drama, friendships and schoolwork, all of which are pushing me down.
When did it all change? All of a sudden, or so it seems, life just got a whole lot more complicated, and I don’t know why.
When I was a child, a friendship was a friendship: you either got on together or you didn’t. Friendships weren’t based on who gets on with each other, or what a person did a year and a half ago. You could make a new friend by walking up to someone and giving them your chocolate bar, but if you tried that same method now, you’d probably be punched.
I’m lost in a teenage life, and I don’t know a way out. Growing up is enough to be dealing with, if you ask me; I don’t need complicated friendships to deal with on top of that, thank you very much. Honestly, I don’t need revision for GCSEs, trend-based clothing styles and a personality not disimilr to that of Alan Carr, but more camp. It’s just too much to be stuck in the middle of, and I’m lost in it all.
Do you ever feel like your lost in your own life/ do you ever feel like it’s all just too much, too confusing or too complicated?
Because I do…