It’s the easter holidays: two weeks off of school, one week of which is nearly over. I’ve got a bit of homework – revision primarily -, and some ‘optional homework’ [reading 20th century literature]. IN comparison to the usual mountains of homework, that’s not bad at all, and yet I’m just not motivated.
Last weekend, I got started on reading some 20th century literature for my English class. I opted to read To Kill a Mockingbird, a book which I’ve been intending to read for oh-such-a-long-time. A chapter a day was my aim, but after Tuesday [chapter 4], the routine just kinda slipped, and I haven’t opened the book since. The weird thing is, I want to read it. Really, I do, for the pure and simple fact that I love to read. If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m reading it for school, I know I’d be all over that book 24/7, and would only feel this low when I reached the last page and realised that the fictional situation was over. But, because I’m reading it for school, I have 0 motivation to read it, and will literally do anything – even if it requires more effort – that allows me to avoid reading the book. I’ve started writing for some competitions, spent more time reading your amazing blog posts, watched 4 hours of American crime story, but I haven’t read the book.
And as for revision, well, that must be my April fools, because it’s literally a joke. I haven’t done any revision whatsoever this holiday, and I have end of year exams coming up just around the corner which determine a lot of details relating to my GCSEs. I have coursework due in relatively soon too, which although I’ve done, I haven’t proofread since completing it several weeks – maybe a month – ago.
Why am I so unmotivated? It’s not like I’m lazy: I’m doing everything but the one true thing I need to do, and at my age and in my position in the British education system, there just isn’t any excuse for not doing work. Deep down, I know why I’m not doing it: I need a break. Life in and out of school has been pretty intense recently, and I just need a break, a retreat from life if you will. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but I need to do work. Deadlines loom, work stacks up and closing my eyes to pretend it’s not there just isn’t possible anymore.
Tomorrow, I’m going to get started. I’m going to go to bed on time tonight, get a good night’s sleep, rise at a reasonable hour and get stuck in to both the book and my revision. I’m going away on Wednesday until Sunday, so I’ve really got to buckle down and get on with all of this before then.
Why am I not starting today, now? Well, my reason above – needing a break – is valid and, although I don’t like to admit it, true. This evening, I’m having relax time. I’m going to do the things that teenagers are meant to do: talk to friends, go on YouTube and twitter, text, you know? And then tomorrow, work work work.